The Eagle, the Endoscopy and the Exit

The day I made this drawing of an eagle’s head I had had an endoscopy. The doctor gave me some strong sedation before the procedure, which was very effective. Afterwards I went home to my parents house and relaxed while waiting for my son to come home from college and for the sedation to wear off. As I waited I did a few sketches and some inking. I was very relaxed. One of the sketches was this eagle

The following weekend I found some time to paint him…

Over the past few weeks I’ve been finding more time and energy to paint as I’ve left (exited) my church.

I found going there increasingly stressful. Playing the piano was part of it but more than that I had trouble managing my relationships and being together with so many people at once. I found I was beginning to dread it. There was too much noise and it was too busy and I was expected to have too much communication with people for my autistic mind to manage. Every time I got things wrong I became more stressed about interacting. It was like a finger puzzle, the harder I tried to make things right the worse things got until I couldn’t do it anymore.

Initially I was going to have a temporary break but I kept getting nightmares about going back so now I have decided to make this change permanent. The relief is incredible. I feel like I can breath again. I am also very sad though, because there were so many really good people there and I miss them. I guess with the autism it was always going to be a difficult place for me. The fact is I can’t manage it.

4 thoughts on “The Eagle, the Endoscopy and the Exit

  1. Lol, I’m an introvert and an autistic. I really relate to your experience with large groups.

    I’m going to a small (8-10 people) Quaker Meeting now instead of church. In the silence it’s lovely. Before I went to church I went there, so it’s like going home. Not all the Quakers are introverts although the general percentage is higher I think than in other groups, but all are quiet which I find really helps.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If you feel better for your decision, then that’s all that matters. I am not autistic in the least, but I don’t particularly enjoy or seek out the company of large groups of people. I like my people mostly in ones and twos! I find it totally mentally exhausting to try to deal with more than maybe a maximum of four people at a time. Even at that, after a couple of hours I’m looking for an escape route so I can relax and recover. I believe the technical classification for me is “introvert” LOL!

    BTW, nice eagle!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.